When I was growing up, I would sneak into my dad’s car and park myself behind the wheel and pretend I was driving. I can even remember rolling up a newspaper and putting it in my mouth so that I could smoke while I drove. I would roll (and when I say “roll” the windows down, that’s what you did) the windows down and rest my arm. Picture that: a 7 year old Casanova with feathered hair, smoking, arm out the window, sitting in his dad’s car going absolutely nowhere. If lucky, my brother was gone and I had my black leather jacket on, Fonzie-esque in my coolness. If there was a jukebox there, I could have made it play music with one shot from my fist. Certainly the girls would have come running.
To this day I love to drive. One thing I realize about myself is that I drive who I am. I am not sure if that makes sense, but I realize that the way I drive matches who I am: I don’t have a lot of time for others mistakes (no one in Langley knows how to use the new roundabout), always justify my stupid driving decisions (no one really cares if you are in the HOV lane on the Port Mann Bridge, it ends when you get to the other side…), and people are terribly slow (I’ve got to keep moving) In fact, I think I teach who I am, and I parent who I am. I think a big part of that is because it is simply a way of staying in control. To teach who I am does not require a great deal of risk. It is safe and it keeps me interested in what I am doing. It also allows me to keep a bit of a wall up because essentially what I am saying is that I am interested in me.
It makes me think of Moses asking God who He was, and the reply “I AM WHO I AM.” Maybe in my teaching, my parenting, and even in my driving, I need a little less “I” and a little more I AM. Maybe that is the lense through which I need to see all parts of my life. Truth be told, tonight it will be easier to head down to my 1991 Lumina with a cigarette, hang my arm out the window, and keep pretending that I am free, knowing that I AM is freedom.
5 comments:
Just gotta let loose and give em the o'l "What 4?!"
I love the pictures of your kids in the previous post; it'll be good to see them again. Thanks for keeping up with me and my blog; yes, poppies are hard to find here, not like in Canada where you can just pick a fake one up at the store (or from Oma). I may have to resort to creating my own. I really liked this blog; I miss driving as the only people with cars here drive shift. I'm not sure I want to take the challenge to learn, in case I wreck something. Anyways, nice to hear from you, chow for now.
scary thing letting God into all the corners of your life. I think sometimes (often?) it makes you into a fool in the eyes of the world. Fools for Christ, anyone?
Oh and I think I would have come running if you had actually hit that jukebox. :)
I wonder if it's possible to say "I play video games who I am." Hmm. Go 'Nucks.
Depends how you play them...do you play with all the love you have in you?"
oh man, I just remembered the video you made for chapel of the Nalgen bottle...brilliant.
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